Don't "Build Habit", Simply Install An Inner Voice To Consult About Your Decisions

I am only barely discovering what psycho-technologies are possible to use, if I'd like.

Or, how I learned to stop worrying and create an inner monologue.

me and my advisor, though that comes later!

I decided to publish this piece without editing. There are grammatical errors, and for some reason the piece is structured as a series of numbered bullet points, which is odd. That’s just how it came out. I’m publishing to build the habit of publishing again, which I see as more important than building my craftsmanship at the moment. I’m a natural perfectionist, so I’m sure it will come back soon.

Okay, here’s my story of personal ethics and philosophical change through time:

1. I start out born in the suburbs going to public school, strong moral culture (mostly from public school), other kids installed social “should” system in my head that told me what I “should” do / not do. These voices were obviously wrong about a lot of stuff, because they were literally the voices of uneducated children. My inner “critic” emerges.

2. I read very many books. Books also told me what I “should” do. These voices had much better advice than the children, but I sometimes struggled to implement it. Why? Inner Critic asks: why aren’t you following the advice of the experts? Why aren’t you doing what you should do, even though you KNOW that it would be better? (Examples: Gym, Fitness, Studying, Music, Video Games, Journaling, etc…)

3. Read many self-help books with many tactics for implementing advice.¹ Experience occasional sparks of inspiration, implement major environmental improvements and “systems of productivity” all at once, use them for a bit… ultimately get exhausted at some point, stop using the system, and start over (but now with marginally better systems).²

4. Read more books³, talk to more people, do lots of challenging things, talk to mentors, read a ton of twitter threads and LessWrong essays and Post-Rationalist productivity essays.⁴ Slowly realize that, actually, the “should” voices in my head were not successfully getting things done, and were making my unhappy. I wasn’t more effective, I wasn’t actually following all the advice I “should” be doing, I was just beating myself up for no reason. Begin to dismantle the “should” voices, dismantling my inner “critic”, and dismantling most internal judgment. I use mostly meditation, focusing, and IFS/Parts for this, as disintegrative practices.⁵ I start to live entirely in the moment, I start noticing how I feel, I start investigating those feelings, asking where they come from, and getting to the bottom of my unhappiness!

5. My life gets much more improvisational. I kind of figure I can do anything, as long as I think it’s interesting and fun. I have no inner monologue at all (technically I never had one, but that’s a different story⁶

6. I find that the only systems of life-improvement which “stick” are the ones I am naturally interested in, and which I enjoy. I realize that I can simply design systems that interest me and fill my life with them. I start climbing because it’s interesting, which means I exercise all the time. I quit jobs that don’t interest me, and start new jobs that do, and start projects that interest me. I realize everything is way more interesting in the company of friends, so I actually organize an entire neighborhood of friends, so I can see my friends every day.⁷ This era of my life is characterized by strategically creating the conditions for interest, so “work” never feels like work! I love my life, and I don’t have to “work” a day. Best of all: everything in my life is naturally pointed toward my values, because my values are, by definition⁸, the things that interest me the most! I call this era: “The Era of Environmental Virtue”.⁹

7. I’m way happier, life is great, I’m more creative than ever, my daughter is born… but a problem still haunts me: social media interests me too much!!! I am so interested by Twitter and YouTube, especially.¹⁰ I’m so interested, in fact, that I spend much more time watching YouTube and much more time reading Twitter than is good for me, even when I want to watch less. But wait?!?! How can I want to use Twitter, even though it’s not good for me?? I’m happy enough that this isn’t a problem most of the time, but if I ever get depressed or exhausted, it can get bad! I have to admit to myself: this is a problem, and it’s a very similar problem to addiction.¹¹ The only issue is, I don’t have any sort of “discipline”. I’ve structured my life to be structureless!! I don’t need any discipline, and I still do the right thing, merely by pursuing my interests. So I’m really at a crossroads… should I go back to the life of self-discipline and “coercion”¹², or should I continue to create “environmental” solutions, like locking my phone away or deleting all my social media apps, or installing software on my computer to turn off social media.¹³

8. Obviously, I try environmental solutions first, and for probably 2 years this is my main strategy. It’s all I know at the moment, because I don’t want to go back to having a mean “inner critic”. I try locking my phone away. I try “accountability” systems. I try getting my wife to hold me to my promises. I try no phones in bed. I try deleting Twitter from my phone. The problem with ALL of these solutions is that, as soon as I get too exhausted or depressed, I will simply remove my system and go back to Twitter and YouTube, because they are great ways to relax and recover (this is true, actually, imo, and was not the problem — the problem was that I kept breaking my damn systems!). Cue Frog and Toad cookie meme:

9. Literally today, earlier today, August 18, 2024, I had a life-changing conversation with Daniel Golliher, where he explained that whenever he was about to make a bad decision (like opening Twitter while focused on something else, or not doing his morning routine of 15 pushups, or not getting out of bed in the morning to go on his daily walk; all exactly the types of problems I struggle with), and inner voice would simply ask: “Hey, what will happen if you do that? be honest. You can do it if you want. But first, let’s just make sure we know exactly what we’re doing.” He would let this internal debate go on as long as it needed to — sometimes as long as 3 minutes!! — but the result is always the same: going on Twitter while focusing on studying is just a bad idea, no matter how hard you try to debate.

10. This was a profound realization for me: I am allowed to have internal voices who HELP ME!!!!!! For some reason, when I resolved my bad relationship with my inner critic and silenced all the unnecessary suffering that I was causing myself from all these “shoulds”, I generalized to the rule that internal voices, and explicit internal ethics, cause suffering. I thought the only good Ethics were IMPLICIT. But this is obviously insane, otherwise I would never ask my wife or parents or mentors for advice — asking for advice proves that “doing the right thing” is something which is worthy of explicit conversation. And for which explicit conversation is helpful!

11. So I basically created an internal character, who sits at the head of a council table (and I sit at the other head), he is an older version of me, maybe in his mid 50s, with a graying beard and graying hair and mirthful eyes. He loves me, and clearly wants the best for me. He IS me! He is a version of me that always upheld my values, and always held himself (and me!) to great ethical standards. He did this the right way, without suffering, with joy, and while letting me make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons.

12. I almost skipped out on writing this essay, but then he nudged me and said “What would happen if you skipped out on writing the essay? What would happen if you finish it?” And I decided to finish. I almost skipped out on going to the gym tonight, but he nudged me and said , “What would happen? Let’s be honest.” so I went to the gym. I don’t like to floss, but he asked “What will happen?” and so I flossed! Turns out, inner voices don’t have to be inner critics; they can be inner champions!

13. Anyway, this feels like a revolutionary transformation in my life, and we’ll see how it shakes out over the next few months. I didn’t think I could just choose to have an inner monologue, and choose to have it be one that I enjoy so much! Meditation made me think that having “no internal disturbance and living entirely in the moment” was better; but I can still expand my awareness and live in the moment whenever I want. It turns out, HAVING BOTH is better, duh! I’ve been “talking to myself” all night, and it’s lead to this brilliant spark of creativity. I wrote 3 different essay drafts tonight, finished this one, went to the gym, and never checked twitter the whole time!

14. This all leaves me wondering: what else am I missing out on? This story is one of psychological transformation. From developing an unhelpful inner critic as a child, to discovering increasingly helpful inner strategists, to learning how to rid myself of suffering, and now learning how to add new inner monologues who actively help me accomplish my goals… where will this story end? What other ways of working with my own mind will become available to me as I ask other people how they work with their minds?

15. My final takeaway: ask the people you look up to how they deal with psychological problems, very very specifically and tactically. Even if you already have good methods! Especially if you already have good methods!! You can’t become too skilled at working with yourself — you are, in many ways, all that you have. I hope this story was helpful. If you have any other oddly effective psychological tricks for achieving your values and embodying your virtues, leave them below.

1. I highly recommend these books actually. Some standouts from this period were: So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Deep Work, Ultralearning, Atomic Habits, The Art of Learning, Digital Minimalism, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, etc…

2. THIS IS GOOD, BUT CLEARLY VERY FRUSTRATING!! I was making incremental progress each time, and exploring the domain of possibility for systems I could implement, but it was fairly rare for something to “stick”

3. Some standouts from THIS period are: The Power of Focusing (I think), Feeling Good,

4. The Rationalist literature on Akrasia was actually horrible for me at this time, and did more harm than good; entirely too utilitarian. But some of the post-rationalist stuff was great, like Productivity for Special Snowflakes, and Visakanv’s Do 100 Things and Introspect and a bunch of random discussion on twitter from people like Nosilverv and Malcolm Ocean.

5. Specifically, Sam Harris’ Waking Up (though I think that Rob Burbea’s Jhana meditations now might do better for someone like me, and perhaps most people)

6. Yes, I have no inner monologue, and never had a strong inner monologue. But I did have an inner critic! The critic expressed itself mostly through feelings, emotions, flashes of images and then the resultant escapism from all those bad feelings.

7. How to Live Near Your Friends

8. “value”, noun: 1. that which we act to gain or keep

9. I had such an “Environment To Power” frame during this era that I wrote a tweet basically implying “willpower” is a fake concept which is entirely derived from environmental factors, like sunlight, friendship, joy, inspiration, art, virtue, etc…

10. My favorite twitter account is Visakanv, my favorite youtube account is Settled

11. I have another Essay I want to write about how “don’t be afraid of your addiction; instead, incorporate it.”

12. I tweeted about this recently, so it’s in the water. About how the failure mode for non-coercion is non-judgment.

13. I’ve actually done this before, in my old Deep Work/ Digital Minimalism phase. Using software called Freedom, and Undistracted. The problem with the approach was that it only worked as long as I used the tools. Which is never forever!!